You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. -Deuteronomy 6:7

Showing posts with label Character Training. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Character Training. Show all posts

Sunday, September 15, 2013

To Train Up a Child
I have been reading a wonderful book called “Home-Making” and have found such wisdom in it; I thought I’d post a few excerpts here and encourage others to read it.  It’s really about the glory of the Christian home – in all areas.  From moms and dads roles, and even to the role of the child and most of all, the great love, joy and sweetness that should fill our homes.
Just one of the many areas that I found encouraging (and challenging!) has to do with our children's roles and what God calls each of us to do to shape those roles.  If you've ever thought of homeschooling, but felt you were not capable - read this for some encouragement!
A Parent's Role
So far as children are concerned, the part of the parent is to train them for life, to send them out of the home ready for whatever duty or mission God may have ready for them.  Much more important than any way of teaching or training is the way the parents lead their lives.  They may teach the most beautiful things, but if the child does not see these things in the life of them he will not consider them important enough to be adopted in his own life.  To quote here the words of another,
"You cannot give your child what you do not possess: you can scarcely help giving your child what you do possess.  If you are a coward you cannot make him brave; if he becomes brave it will be in spite of you.  If you are a deceiver you cannot make him truthful; if you are selfish you cannot make him generous; if you are self-willed you cannot make him yielding; if you are passionate you cannot make him temperate and self-controlled.  The parent's life flows into the child's life.  One angry word from your lips will outweigh a hundred rebukes of anger.  One selfish deed, one social deception, will do more to mar than a hundred homilies can do to make."
OUCH!
The Child's Role
We know little about Jesus’ childhood other than one line that tells us that at 12 years old he was subject to His parents and for eighteen years longer he remained in their home.  This was Jesus!  It was over His birth that the angels sang their song: “Glory to God in the highest…”  He had made all the worlds.  He had adorned the heavens.  Him all the hosts of glory obeyed.  Yet he humbled himself, veiled his glory and dwelt in a lowly home of earth for thirty years.  He wrought himself with his own hands to help and support the home.  He submitted himself to earthly parents and obeyed them.
He obeyed them, not by constraint, but cheerfully, all these years.  He did his part well in the making of that home.
So what is the great duty of children in our homes?  To obey. 
Although He was the Son of God, he learned obedience to human parents.  He did their will and not his own.  He had entered upon the affairs of his heavenly Father.  He was here on earth for the greatest mission of all yet his preparation for that mission was not in any of the fine schools of the world, but in a lowly home; not at the feet of rabbis and philosophers, but with his own mother for his teacher.  What an honor does this fact put upon home!  What a dignity upon motherhood!

Most would not argue that the job of a child is to obey and honor the parents.  We know that God proclaims “Honor thy father and they mother…”
But nothing proclaims this louder than when Jesus, the Son of God, for thirty years in a lowly home on earth, submitted himself to human parents and obeyed their commands.
So does the thought ever arise, “Is it manly – is it womanly – to yield to my parents, to have no will of my own, to do their bidding in all things?”  Behold Jesus till thirty years of age yielding to the control of his human parents, asking them continually what they would have him to do, referring every question to them.  Was it manly in him?  Surely then it cannot be unmanly in any son of earthly parents in this world.  Where shall we learn manliness if not in the life and from the example of Jesus?
There is nothing manlier in all Christ’s life than his quiet subjection to his parents in that cottage at Nazareth, though conscious of his divine origin and nature and of his glorious mission.  There is nothing manlier on this earth than a man in the prime of his strength and power showing deference and love to a humble parent and yielding obedience and honor as if he were a little child.

Does some evil spirit suggest that such subjection to parents keeps one down, puts chains on his freedom, keeps him under restraint and hinders him from rising into grandeur and nobleness of character?  Did it have such effect on Jesus?  Did the thirty years of submission in his home cramp and fetter his manhood? We know well that it did not.
No one is fitted for ruling others who has not first learned in his place to obey.
 
Teaching at Home
And let’s remember who Jesus was.  Was there ever any human parent in this world who was really worthy or capable, in this sense, to be his teacher, to guide and control his life?  Was there ever, in any home on earth, such a distance between parents and child as there was in that home at Nazareth?  Yet this Son of God, with all his wisdom, his knowledge, his grandeur of character, did not hesitate to submit himself to the training of that peasant mother and that peasant father.  Should any child of this world assert that he is too far advanced, too much superior in knowledge and culture, too wise and intelligent, to submit to the parents God has given him?  If Christ could be taught and trained by his lowly parents for his glorious mission, where is the true parent who is not worthy to be his own child’s guide and teacher?
 
So this is the way in which children can do the most to make the home true and happy.  It is the part of the parents to guide, to train, to teach, to mold the character.  God holds us responsible for this.  We must qualify ourselves to do it.  Then it is the part of the children to accept this guidance, teaching, training and shaping at the parents’ hands.  When both faithfully do their part in the home life will be a sweet song of love; where either fails there will be discordant life, and the angel of blessing will not leave his benison of peace.
This home-life that is depicted is ruled by love; the parental authority is exercised in love; it seeks only the highest good of each child; it asks nothing unreasonable or unjust.  If it withholds things that a child desires, it is either because it is not able to grant them or because the granting of them would work injury rather than benefit.
When faced with the fact that Jesus was trained at home, it makes the homeschooling of today less daunting.  But more importantly, it creates a more humble thankfulness to have the opportunity… to do what God called me to do.  To create a home that has so much love in it that the children want to stay much longer than today’s children usually do.  To stay under this umbrella of protection while they seek to build their own homes and families!. Only by God’s grace will our family do this!
May we lean into the Lord as we seek to live a life of love and harmony with our children in spite of our many faults!  May we have a home in which we are all growing healthier and happier each day.  Where there is never any discord, any wrangling, any angry words or bitter feelings.  Where the home life  is a harmonious song without one jarring note, day after day.  Our home, no matter how humble or plain, may it be the dearest spot on the earth to each member of our family.  May it be made so happy a place and so full of love that no matter where one may wander in after years, in any of the ends of the earth, may this home still hold its invisible lines of influence and draw us ever near.   Amen.

Proverbs 22:6

 
Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it.

Monday, July 15, 2013

Character Training: Self-Control

This month our Character Quality that aligns with our Wisdom booklets is Self-Control.

The definition we use is: The ability that self-control is the ability to do what is right instead of following our own desires and passions.

Our operational definition is: “Instant obedience to the initial promptings of God’s Spirit.”

The word control is derived from the Latin phrase contra rotua, meaning “against a roll.”  It is the ability and power to resist the natural flow of events.  And in today’s world, the natural flow of events can look so appealing and so many lies can seem like truth.  But there is only one truth and we must study diligently, God’s Word so that we will be able to distinguish right from wrong and choose the right path.

It even takes self-control to learn to ride -
doing it the trainer's way - not our own way!
Self-Control
"Instant obedience to the initial promptings of God’s Spirit."

Some Action Steps:

  • Not act impulsively
  • Not equate desires with rights
  • Set my own limits
  • See my anger as a sign that something is wrong in me
  • Walk away from things that aren't right

To further study this quality – we found Biblical men and women who demonstrated this character.  Some my children found included:

-          Daniel, David, Moses, Noah, Jesus

We also identified some men and women who did not demonstrate this character quality, and then read about the consequences they faced.  And on Easter Sunday, what better person to study than Jesus Himself – who showed the ultimate self-control when he willingly went to the cross to die a horrible death because he loved us all so much!

And lastly, we have the operational definition posted in large print at our eating table – it’s THAT important that we learn to put this one into daily practice.  J

Happy (late) Resurrection Day, everyone!

Character Training: Alertness

I mentioned the Character Qualities in an earlier post… we teach these using our Wisdom Booklets each day.  I thought it might be fun to share a post on the Character Quality we are working on each month.  While I recommend teaching first Attentiveness and Obedience, I’m starting with a different quality since it is the one we’re learning about this month. (I start with Attentiveness because, if I can’t get my kids’ attention, then I’ll never get their heart!)


ALERTNESS:

Definition: Watchful and prompt to meet danger or emergency, quick to perceive and act.

Operational Definition (aka: How I apply this to my life): Being aware of that which is taking place around me so I can have the right response to it.

Activities and discussions we have around the quality of Alertness:

-          Expand the word by learning (or recalling) synonyms and antonyms.

-          Discuss related qualities that bring balance, such as: Discretion, discernment, gentleness, forgiveness, humility

-          Discuss how God sees differently than we see

-          Decide three ways we as a family can demonstrate this quality this month.  Some ideas we came up with:

o   Notice and greet visitors at church with a smile

o   Listen to and look at those who speak to us

o   Notice and meet needs around the house.

We actually had a great opportunity to put this to action by visiting a nursing/assisted living home where the residents had the need for visitors.  And we were so blessed by them.  Perhaps more than they were blessed by us!

Alertness in our home also includes:

·         Looking for and praising ways that family members have displayed good
character

·         Sensing that seemingly harmless activities could lead to bad influences and
wrong friends

·         Being aware that participation in certain activities and wearing certain clothing
could attract the wrong friends and weaken the trust of authorities

·         Practicing preventative maintenance with household appliances and personal
health


We also relate the Character Quality to many scriptures by identifying people in the Bible who did or did not demonstrate this quality – and then what happened as a result.  My son said, “Whoever says the Bible is boring… must not have ever read it!”  I’ll say “Amen” to that.  It’s more exciting than anything Hollywood has to offer – and more useful too.  J

We also take time to learn a related hymn.  This month it is the hymn: “Open My Eyes That I May See.”  We learn the history of the hymn and then we listen to it and sing with the CD.  (I am not much of a singer so I’m so happy to have this CD with all the hymns on it, which are all related to the Character Qualities!)

It’s a joy to see the kids singing this tune as they work – even after only learning the first few verses.

We also reference our large Character Sketches books which take the learning to a whole new level.  Each quality is related to animals in nature and stories are told about them.  In the process of learning about the animal, there is geography and history learnings which come from that.  There are additional stories of people in the Bible as well and they are written in such a way that it keeps the learning interesting for all ages.  I’ve learned so much more about these stories myself, as we read through the Character Sketches books.  You can find information about the Character Sketches books here: http://store.iblp.org/products/C123/
A chance to be alert to needs of others, while at the nursing home

Then it is my job (mom) to be very ALERT and look for my children demonstrating this quality.  It could be that D remembers to clear the table after dinner, or K picks up a scrap of paper on the floor and throws it away – anything, big or small.  I immediately say, “Wow, look at how alert you are!”  Then at night, I am sure to call out all the examples I’ve seen of alertness in front of dad during Bible time.  I’ve learned it’s important to praise kids in front of as many people as possible, as that praise multiplies by the number of people that hear it!
 
Related Bible memory scripture:  And seeing the multitudes, he went up into a mountain….”  Matthew 5:1
 

"Watch thou and wake when others be asleep."
--Shakespeare

"To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to

acquire wisdom, one must observe."
--Maryln vos Savant

"It is the providence of knowledge to speak, and it is
the privilege of wisdom to listen.
--Oliver Wendell Holmes

"He that walks with wise men shall be wise."
--Solomon

"The end of argument or discussion should be, not

victory, but enlightenment."
--Joseph Joubert



Character Training!

One of the reasons we home school our kids, is so we can teach them character as well as academics.

We’ve been so encouraged by other families.  One family was particularly encouraging to us without even knowing it.  When we saw how their 10 children all treated each other we thought, “That’s what we want in our family!”
They shared their family “guidelines” with us and we were so amazed by their family’s love for each other that we decided to use their list and tweak it a bit for our family.

We call it “guidelines” and not “rules” for a reason.  We know none of us is perfect – and many times a day we probably need to ask for forgiveness for all those imperfections!  Rather, this is something we are striving for each day.

George Family Guidelines:

1.     Always use soft words, even when you don’t feel well.

2.     Always display kind actions and joyful attitudes, even if you have been mistreated. Have the right response by quickly forgiving others in your heart even before they ask.

3.     Always be enthusiastic and look for opportunities to praise others' character.

4.     Always deflect praise and be grateful to God and others for the ways they have benefited your life.

5.     Always use manners and be respectful of others and their belongings.

6.     Always do what is right, even when others may not, or when no one is looking.

7.     Thank God for how He made you, for what He has given you and everything He allows you to go through. (Romans 8:28)

8.     Don’t mock or put others down. Develop compassion and pray for others.

9.     Never argue, complain, or blame. Quickly admit when you have done wrong and ask for forgiveness (even if you were only 10% at fault). Don't wait till you’re caught. Be sure your sins will find you out. He who covers his sin will not prosper, but he that confesses and forsakes it shall find mercy.

10.   Have a tough accountability/prayer partner to daily share your heart with and to keep you in line (your parents, spouse). The power of sin is in secrecy.

11.   Be attentive and look for ways to serve others with sincere motives and no thought of self-gain.

12.   Think pure thoughts (Philippians 4:8, Romans 13:14).

13.   Always give a good report of others. Don't gossip! Never tale-bear unless physical harm will come to someone. (Use Matthew 18.)

14.   Never raise a hand to hit.

15.   Never raise a foot to kick.

16.   Never raise an object to throw.

17.   Never raise a voice to yell.

18.   Never raise an eye to scowl.

19.   Use one toy/activity at a time. Share!

20.   Do your best to keep your surroundings neat, clean and organized.

21.   Never let the sun go down on your wrath.
(Don’t go to bed angry or guilty)

22.   Amendment J.O.Y. -
-Put Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last.

Building Character

Another thing we have begun doing a couple of years ago is studying the Character Qualities.  These are 49 character qualities with what is called the “operational definition.”  The operational definition is what helps us understand how we should apply this to our lives.  The Wisdom Booklets we use from ATI are a help in this area as each unit of study has a character quality associated with it.  But we also have Character Sketches books, a Character Quality game and booklets with stories and examples of other famous people in history who exhibited these qualities.  Most importantly, we must model the behavior ourselves as parents (this is the hard part to be sure!)

Too often in today’s media, those who do not exhibit these qualities are shown doing so with no consequences, or even worse, shown as heroes in the story.  We think this sends the wrong message to our children (and to us!) as we subconsciously become “numb” to these wrong behaviors.

This course of study becomes a part of our lives as it weaves through everything we do, all day long.  We also realize that as we teach these to our children, we ourselves are convicted by God.  I might think, “Oh Lord, I don’t want to teach on this topic because it’s painful to see how I’ve failed at this throughout my life.”  God is teaching Keith and me while we teach our children.  Sometimes I’ll just humble myself and admit this to my kids.  I say that while Mommy is teaching them, God is teaching ME how to teach them. 

We have a long way to go, but we’re thankful for the many resources we’ve been given through ATI and for the wonderful families who have shown us what the fruit of these things look like:  Teenagers who are not rebellious but are loving in spirit to others both inside and outside of their families and children who are hard-working and responsible.  It’s a wonderful thing to see and we now realize that this IS possible.  But it is a journey that is for sure!

For a PDF download of the Character Qualities click here: